Dear Friends,

We have five bnai mitzvah in the next eight weeks. So, each one you hear me talk to the bar or bat mitzvah, but what do I say to the families? Well, I’ll show you:

So, you're going to have a Bar or Bat Mitzvah? No, that's not right. You are not going to "have" or, better yet, "throw" a Bar Mitzvah. You are going to celebrate your child becoming a Bar or Bat Mitzvah. You see, your child will be a Bar or Bat Mitzvah (from now on, we'll just say "Bnai Mitzvah," the correct Hebrew plural, even though grammatically incorrect), whether or not you show up for your Saturday morning Shabbat celebration/recognition. When your child comes of age (13 years + 1 day for a boy and 12+1 for a girl), they are a Bnai Mitzvah, whether you celebrate it with your community or not. And that is what a Bnai Mitzvah at Beth El means - celebrating with your community. Therefore, please recognize that as much as you are here for us, we are here for you as well.

We thank you for choosing to be part of our Beth El family. We may not always agree or even get along, but we still continue to be a family. It is not "I showed up for a Bnai Mitzvah at Beth El and a service broke out." Rather it is "I showed up for a service at Beth El and a Bnai Mitzvah participated." Your child will be leading his/her community in prayer, not performing for his/her/your friends and family. If you are only inviting people (even their friends) only to the party/reception, then Beth El is probably not where you want to be; for Beth El is a family, a community of God. This is why we have the "chutzpah" to insist on keeping honors reserved for the congregation, open luncheons, inviting all classmates to the service, lunch, and party, and making sure that each and every classmate is able to eat, even at the party. It is not because we don't care, but because we do. For what is important here is not the day of, but what comes after. What did we teach our child about what it means to be a Jewish adult? Where do they see themselves within their Jewish community? We will only know the answer as to if we were a success many years from now, when we see if we accomplished our number one goal - not doing as much as possible, but rather creating a Jewish mensch. Knowing how to do everything perfectly is still a failure, if one is not a mensch.

So, we all know how much stress the bnai mitzvah year is, I apologize. I wish I could make it easier for you. But, we are all here to help, you are not alone. Use us. For when your child finishes Adon Olam, it is not just you and your family who are proud, but your rabbi, your school, your shul, your community, and God who are proud as well.

Now, that is what I tell each bnai mitzvah family.

Shalom,

Rabbi Alex 

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